But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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