My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
