I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
actually, I'm a sock model
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
