I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
