Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
