my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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