i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
