im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
