4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
