I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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