it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
