Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
