so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
