I only kidnapped one of them. chill
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You were trust falling into bushes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
