At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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