Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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