Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
