sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
