Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
