I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
