I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
