I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
