Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
