the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
