the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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