Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
