so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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