Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
