apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
