Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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