Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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