Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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