I just pynch a tree in the face
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
