i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
