Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
