she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
