Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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