did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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