the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
