So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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