You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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