I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Welp...herpes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
