What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?