I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?