I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"