so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dating After Heartbreak
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit