i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.