Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity