I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.