I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.