Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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