why didn't you poke me back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
