I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
