My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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