i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
