I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
