The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
