I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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