Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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