my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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