there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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