At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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