the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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