I want to have your abortion
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
