I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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